November

I am sorry
I took you for granted.
I realised that I took you for granted.

when the realization came, i saw
how badly i was treating you.
So i stopped, i just stopped contacting you.
i was the problem. i see that now.
i was the one who was selfish.

When i was with you, i felt such joy.
i didn't feel alone at all.
distance, though, distance changed things. Those calls started making me feel sad,
those messages made me feel worthless because you made me feel valuable.

i wanted to contact you, but i didnt know what to say, what to do, what to write.
i wanted to tell you that i was sorry,

that was november.

now it is july,
and the silence is a weight.

"i'm sorry" feels too small.
"i miss you" feels too selfish.

so i am writing this.
for me. for you. for no one.
and i hope you understand.
i hope you can forgive me, i am asking for grace.
i hope you find happiness, and peace.

i am sorry for everything.
i hope you are well, happy, and loved.
If you ever feel able, I'd really like to hear from you.